Thursday, December 02, 2004
Thank you for your email chainletters over the years....
I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your damn chain letters over the past two years. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. Because of your concern...
I no longer....
... drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
... drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
... check the coin return on pay phones because I could get pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
... use cancer causing deodorants even though I smell like a wet dog on a hot day.
... receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaida in disguise.
... shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops.
... eat prepackaged foods because the estrogens they contain will turn me gay.
... eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
... date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
... have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.
... buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
... worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.
... have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).
... have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me! I will now return the favor.
If you DON'T send this e-mail to at least 12,000 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will crap on your head at 5:00 pm tomorrow afternoon. I know for a fact this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of mine.
I no longer....
... drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
... drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
... check the coin return on pay phones because I could get pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
... use cancer causing deodorants even though I smell like a wet dog on a hot day.
... receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaida in disguise.
... shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops.
... eat prepackaged foods because the estrogens they contain will turn me gay.
... eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
... date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
... have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.
... buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
... worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.
... have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).
... have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me! I will now return the favor.
If you DON'T send this e-mail to at least 12,000 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will crap on your head at 5:00 pm tomorrow afternoon. I know for a fact this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of mine.
# posted by HST Overdrive @ 2:34 PM 
