Three Headed Dragon

Resume of G. Daddy "Pop Gun" Patterson

Objective
To obtain a position in a really good company, one that has leather chairs and really good, wooden desks.

February 2005 Present
Mobile DVD Rentals Owner/Operator/CEO
Duties included driving a converted milk truck through sub-divisions and renting out movies. I would ring the bell, like the old ice cream truck guys, and parents and kids would come running out of their flimsy McMansions with cash to rent dvds. Also provided popcorn and liquorices. Sold it to a veteran who painted it camouflage and only rents Vietnam War movies.

September 2004 November 2004
No Kidding, I'm Honest Inc. Owner/Operator/CEO
Regularly borrowed money from friends and family members then took the train to Atlantic City everyday to play roulette. Duties included dressing in a white dinner jacket and talking like Humphrey Bogart. At the end of each day I would hitchhike back to the shelter for a hot meal. Finally had to quit the business after being banned from each of the casinos.

April 2003 July 2004
Inventor Owner/Operator/CEO
Invented quite a few products, most notably the Trouser Stretcher and a device that makes you invisible while driving through New Jersey. Government agents, posing as venture capital guys, took the New Jersey thing from me, but two of them did use the Trouser Stretcher before they left. Tried to get my products patented but found out that costs money so I ended up trading them for a bunch of those glow-in-the-dark necklaces that you see at concerts.

August 2001 March 2003
I really don't remember that time

February 1999 July 2001
Cheap Land Deals Inc. - Owner/Operator/CEO
Raised money from advertising beachfront land for sale in the Caribbean. I didn't actually own the land and I think some of the people that did became a little irritated when the new "owners" showed up for vacation. Invested most of the money I earned in a Flying Car venture that a friend was working on in his basement. He says he is still working on it.

Education
Reading mostly. I like anything about UFO's and I just finished "101 Uses For A Lasso." I can do some math without a calculator and have the uncanny ability to predict when somebody is about to behave like Ethel Merman. Also, pretty good on the Internets.

Hobbies
Calling strangers and pretending to be Louis Armstrong
Hunting for Big Foot
Rubbing up against people on the bus