Friday, April 29, 2005
at peace at last
Johnny Cochran's last words... you knew he wanted to say it!!!
Thursday, April 28, 2005
pictures from india
My old roommate Erik, send us these pictures from a road trip he took while on assignment in India. Looks like quite a trip, not your average weekend.
Check out the door to his hotel rooom:
Click HERE for pictures.
He'll be home soon and he tells me "don't drink the water"!!
Check out the door to his hotel rooom:
Click HERE for pictures.
He'll be home soon and he tells me "don't drink the water"!!
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
tooot! toot!!
I hate to toot my own horn, but while chatting with a past co-worker today he sent me this nice little blurb:
"I was just talking to our new reports guy and he had pretty high praise for your work, and said you must have had really strong programming skills. He's more of a metrics/data warehousing guy in general, and he said he didn't know how he'd be able to accomplish the kind of work you did given our timeframe. Seems like a good smart guy, too. "
That's some nice praise from someone I don't even know... Yey for me.
"I was just talking to our new reports guy and he had pretty high praise for your work, and said you must have had really strong programming skills. He's more of a metrics/data warehousing guy in general, and he said he didn't know how he'd be able to accomplish the kind of work you did given our timeframe. Seems like a good smart guy, too. "
That's some nice praise from someone I don't even know... Yey for me.
Does she even know the words?
look out for this guy on the road
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
The Club just won't be the same...
Oh give me a home... onthe tennis court?
Two of nine American bison that escaped from Buzz Berg's Stevenson, Md. farm run from police and volunteers Tuesday, April 26, 2005 on a tennis court at Greene Tree gated community in Pikesville, Md. Police herded the buffalo into the courts before herding them into a trailer and returning them to their farm.
Monday, April 25, 2005
Engineer Jokes
Q: When does a person decide to become an engineer ?
A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to be an undertaker.
Q: How do you drive an engineer completely insane ?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map the wrong way.
Q: What do engineers use for birth control ?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How can you tell an extroverted engineer ?
A: When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.
Q: Why did the engineers cross the road ?
A: To check out the Micrometer store.
You might be an engineer if:
Choosing between buying flowers for your wife and upgrading your RAM is a problem.
You take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room.
In college, you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.
The salespeople at the local computer store can't answer "any" of your questions.
At an air show, you know how fast the skydivers are falling.
For your wife's birthday you gave her a new Palm Pilot.
You can quote scenes from any Monte Python movie.
You can type 70 words per minute but you can't read your own handwriting.
You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
You sit backwards on Disney rides so you can see how they do the special effects.
You have saved every power cord from ALL your broken appliances.
You know what http:// stands for.
You look forward to Christmas so you can put together the kids toys.
You see a good design, and just have to change it.
You spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.
You still own a slide rule and know how to use it.
You think that people yawning around you are sleep deprived.
You window shop at Radio Shack.
Your laptop computer is worth more than your car.
Your wife hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work.
You've already calculated how much you make per second.
You've tried to repair a $5 radio.
A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to be an undertaker.
Q: How do you drive an engineer completely insane ?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map the wrong way.
Q: What do engineers use for birth control ?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How can you tell an extroverted engineer ?
A: When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.
Q: Why did the engineers cross the road ?
A: To check out the Micrometer store.
You might be an engineer if:
Choosing between buying flowers for your wife and upgrading your RAM is a problem.
You take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room.
In college, you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.
The salespeople at the local computer store can't answer "any" of your questions.
At an air show, you know how fast the skydivers are falling.
For your wife's birthday you gave her a new Palm Pilot.
You can quote scenes from any Monte Python movie.
You can type 70 words per minute but you can't read your own handwriting.
You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
You sit backwards on Disney rides so you can see how they do the special effects.
You have saved every power cord from ALL your broken appliances.
You know what http:// stands for.
You look forward to Christmas so you can put together the kids toys.
You see a good design, and just have to change it.
You spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.
You still own a slide rule and know how to use it.
You think that people yawning around you are sleep deprived.
You window shop at Radio Shack.
Your laptop computer is worth more than your car.
Your wife hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work.
You've already calculated how much you make per second.
You've tried to repair a $5 radio.
Friday, April 22, 2005
Study: Email destroys the mind faster than marijuana
Here's an interesting article from the Rgister. Is email more pernicious to the mind than marijuana? How is this possible? Does the use of the PC somehow physically deteriorate the mind or does it just effect the performance of the mind? If so, why?
Thursday, April 21, 2005
The Art of the Touch-up
The Papal Menace...
The resemblace is stunning!
Is it Senator Palpatine or Benedict the 16th who is really behind the dark rise of the Sith Lord Darth Sideous?
Is it Senator Palpatine or Benedict the 16th who is really behind the dark rise of the Sith Lord Darth Sideous?
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
And the question on every Ameircan's Mind is...
"If George W. Bush has to put his hand on the Christian Bible to be sworn in as President, will Joseph Ratzinger have to put his hand on the US Constitution?"
Benedict the 16th's acceptance speech
"I haven't had an orthodox career," he said at the podium, near tears, "and I've wanted more than anything to have your respect. The first time I didn't feel it, but this time I feel it, and I can't deny the fact that you like me, right now you like me, you REALLY REALLY LIKE ME!
nothing gets my day going like a good pope
Ahhh, I can sleep much better now as the cardinals have now voted in a new Pope for all of Christendom. I really have a hard time understanding how the Pope can be infallible when he's elected by a simple majority of church brass. I mean, if the Catholic god does not make mistakes, wouldn't the elected Pope be chosen by a unanimous vote? Can't god even come up with a 2/3 majority to appoint his guy that's supposed to be perfect?
So now we have Benedict the 16th, a conservative German septuagenarian that really seems like a place holder until they can come up with a suitable candidate from a developing country, like an African or South American. It's a savvy political move, such as when a party nominates a candidate they know cannot win an election so that the next person who comes along will look like a star.
Hopefully Benedict can bring some pazzaz to the office of Pope, but how do you follow up a guy who supposedly defeated the USSR single-handed?
So now we have Benedict the 16th, a conservative German septuagenarian that really seems like a place holder until they can come up with a suitable candidate from a developing country, like an African or South American. It's a savvy political move, such as when a party nominates a candidate they know cannot win an election so that the next person who comes along will look like a star.
Hopefully Benedict can bring some pazzaz to the office of Pope, but how do you follow up a guy who supposedly defeated the USSR single-handed?
Good Lord!!!
What is with people these days? Are they so hard up to believe in something that they have to scrape and scrap for a miracle?
Check out this POST on ebay. Now the stupid pan that fried the Virgin Mary sandwich is selling for thousands.
And look at this POST. Once again, these poor folks are grasping at straws for a message from their god. It's a salt stain for corsages!!!
It's tragic, really tragic.
Maybe they are really just filling the vacuum while waiting for the new Pope...
Check out this POST on ebay. Now the stupid pan that fried the Virgin Mary sandwich is selling for thousands.
And look at this POST. Once again, these poor folks are grasping at straws for a message from their god. It's a salt stain for corsages!!!
It's tragic, really tragic.
Maybe they are really just filling the vacuum while waiting for the new Pope...
Monday, April 18, 2005
Men's Rules...
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Men ARE not mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really .
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
1. Men ARE not mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really .
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Monday Joke
Senator Hillary Clinton was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upper New York state. She spoke for almost an hour on her future plans for increasing every Native American's present standard of living, should she one day become the first female President. She referred to her career as a New York Senator, how she had signed "YES" for every Indian issue that came to her desk for approval.
Although the Senator was vague on the details of her plan, she seemed most enthusiastic about her future ideas for helping her "red sisters and brothers".
At the conclusion of her speech, the Tribes presented the Senator with a plaque inscribed with her new Indian name - Walking Eagle. The proud Senator then departed in her motorcade, waving to the crowds.
A news reporter later inquired to the group of chiefs of how they come to select the new name given to the Senator.
They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of shit it can no longer fly.
Although the Senator was vague on the details of her plan, she seemed most enthusiastic about her future ideas for helping her "red sisters and brothers".
At the conclusion of her speech, the Tribes presented the Senator with a plaque inscribed with her new Indian name - Walking Eagle. The proud Senator then departed in her motorcade, waving to the crowds.
A news reporter later inquired to the group of chiefs of how they come to select the new name given to the Senator.
They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of shit it can no longer fly.
Sunday, April 17, 2005
my left wing ex-girlfriend's husband comments about his 'arch-enemy'
Please take a look at his blog HERE. If you scroll down a bit (or use the links below), you will see the following entries:
She's cheating on me.... with my Arch Enemy Part II
She's cheating on me.... with my Arch Enemy
Once again, someone I have never met is writing about me and the possible relationship I have with his now wife. Too funny. The soap opera continues
I offered the following comment on his blog:
Greetings and Congratulations from your Arch-Enemy!
I must say that I am pleased to read that my leftwing EX-girlfriend is now happily married and on her way to travel Asia with her new husband. Let me be the first to e-wish them e-happiness in their new life!
Sorry for being cheeky, Marcel, but let me apologize for the typo that you noticed on my blog where I referred to the ex-girlfriend in question and an 'e-girlfriend'. I am remiss in not putting the post in question through spell check.
Let me just put it to rest that we have no e-relationship going on. As you know, we still do keep in contact from time to time, but it usually takes the form of a hard copy. Please let her know that she still owes me a letter.
Also, let me set the record straight about all those emails that I 'sent to her' about the evilness of the US Republican party and its leaders. Did it ever occurr to you that she was simply on a list of about 150 friends and family that I used to SPAM with email? I originally started out with funny jokes, but then with the political climate of the time, I switched to sending out political items. Anyway, if someone told me they wanted off the list, I immediately removed them. Anyway, it was nothing personal.
Oh, and for all you who were talking about the choice of blog template I made. I simply thought it looked cool. If you checkyour dates, I started THD in November of 2004. Felicia did not tell me about Maurice's blog until March 2005. So the choice of template was purely co-incidental. Perhaps it means we hav ethe same taste or that she is atrracted to a similar sort of man. Is there a common thread? Interesting. But, as a wedding gift and to put his mind at ease, let me look for a new template.
Oh, one other thing I'd like you to know. I grew up in Canada, in Vancouver. And when I voted in Canada, I always voted on the right because people were so far left. But down in the USA I vote on the left, becasue people down here are so freakin' far right. So am I really that much of a rabid left-wing wacko?
Regarldess, let me sincerely wish you a very happy honeymoon and wonderful start on your new life with her. You were smart enough to keep her while I was not.
Good luck,
HST Overdrive
P.S.: Is my blog really that dreay? That hurts. I hope the new colors help.
She's cheating on me.... with my Arch Enemy Part II
She's cheating on me.... with my Arch Enemy
Once again, someone I have never met is writing about me and the possible relationship I have with his now wife. Too funny. The soap opera continues
I offered the following comment on his blog:
Greetings and Congratulations from your Arch-Enemy!
I must say that I am pleased to read that my leftwing EX-girlfriend is now happily married and on her way to travel Asia with her new husband. Let me be the first to e-wish them e-happiness in their new life!
Sorry for being cheeky, Marcel, but let me apologize for the typo that you noticed on my blog where I referred to the ex-girlfriend in question and an 'e-girlfriend'. I am remiss in not putting the post in question through spell check.
Let me just put it to rest that we have no e-relationship going on. As you know, we still do keep in contact from time to time, but it usually takes the form of a hard copy. Please let her know that she still owes me a letter.
Also, let me set the record straight about all those emails that I 'sent to her' about the evilness of the US Republican party and its leaders. Did it ever occurr to you that she was simply on a list of about 150 friends and family that I used to SPAM with email? I originally started out with funny jokes, but then with the political climate of the time, I switched to sending out political items. Anyway, if someone told me they wanted off the list, I immediately removed them. Anyway, it was nothing personal.
Oh, and for all you who were talking about the choice of blog template I made. I simply thought it looked cool. If you checkyour dates, I started THD in November of 2004. Felicia did not tell me about Maurice's blog until March 2005. So the choice of template was purely co-incidental. Perhaps it means we hav ethe same taste or that she is atrracted to a similar sort of man. Is there a common thread? Interesting. But, as a wedding gift and to put his mind at ease, let me look for a new template.
Oh, one other thing I'd like you to know. I grew up in Canada, in Vancouver. And when I voted in Canada, I always voted on the right because people were so far left. But down in the USA I vote on the left, becasue people down here are so freakin' far right. So am I really that much of a rabid left-wing wacko?
Regarldess, let me sincerely wish you a very happy honeymoon and wonderful start on your new life with her. You were smart enough to keep her while I was not.
Good luck,
HST Overdrive
P.S.: Is my blog really that dreay? That hurts. I hope the new colors help.
Friday, April 15, 2005
Where did my Finger Go?
LAS VEGAS — A woman who lost part of her finger in a leopard attack believes it was her body part that allegedly showed up a month later in a bowl of fast-food chili in California.
A lawyer for Sandy Allman, 59, said she wants to participate in any DNA testing of the finger, which she said she last saw packed in ice in a Las Vegas emergency room. Doctors told her it could not be reattached, and she does not know what happened to it after that, lawyer Philip Sheldon said.
The hospital said it cannot account for the fingertip, which Allman lost Feb. 23 in the attack at an exotic animal compound at her home in rural Pahrump, about 60 miles west of Las Vegas.
Las Vegas resident Anna Ayala claimed she found a 11/2-inch fingertip on March 22 while eating at a Wendy's in San Jose, Calif.
The two women have "absolutely no connection," Sheldon said.
He said Allman realizes her lost fingertip is only half as long as the one that Ayala claims to have found.
San Jose police said DNA tests would be taken to determine the finger's rightful owner.
Ayala, 39, was not considered a suspect, San Jose police spokeswoman Gina Tepoorten said.
Ayala was visiting relatives in San Jose on Wednesday and could not be reached for comment. Her son, Guadalupe Reyes, 18, told The Associated Press that Ayala doesn't know Allman.
Ayala had filed a claim with the Wendy's franchise owner over her alleged discovery, but her attorney Jeffrey Janoff said Wednesday that she had decided not to pursue a lawsuit because the scrutiny by police and reporters had been "very difficult for her emotionally."
Court records show Ayala has a history of making claims against corporations, including a former employer, General Motors and a fast-food restaurant.
Wendy's maintains the finger did not enter the food in its ingredients. It has offered a $50,000 reward in the case and was keeping open a hot line for tips, spokesman Denny Lynch said.
Sunrise Hospital and Medical Center confirmed Allman's treatment after the leopard attack, but said there was no record of the fingertip in the Pathology Department, where it normally would have been taken.
There was also no record of Ayala as a patient or employee, spokeswoman Glenda McCartney said.
A lawyer for Sandy Allman, 59, said she wants to participate in any DNA testing of the finger, which she said she last saw packed in ice in a Las Vegas emergency room. Doctors told her it could not be reattached, and she does not know what happened to it after that, lawyer Philip Sheldon said.
The hospital said it cannot account for the fingertip, which Allman lost Feb. 23 in the attack at an exotic animal compound at her home in rural Pahrump, about 60 miles west of Las Vegas.
Las Vegas resident Anna Ayala claimed she found a 11/2-inch fingertip on March 22 while eating at a Wendy's in San Jose, Calif.
The two women have "absolutely no connection," Sheldon said.
He said Allman realizes her lost fingertip is only half as long as the one that Ayala claims to have found.
San Jose police said DNA tests would be taken to determine the finger's rightful owner.
Ayala, 39, was not considered a suspect, San Jose police spokeswoman Gina Tepoorten said.
Ayala was visiting relatives in San Jose on Wednesday and could not be reached for comment. Her son, Guadalupe Reyes, 18, told The Associated Press that Ayala doesn't know Allman.
Ayala had filed a claim with the Wendy's franchise owner over her alleged discovery, but her attorney Jeffrey Janoff said Wednesday that she had decided not to pursue a lawsuit because the scrutiny by police and reporters had been "very difficult for her emotionally."
Court records show Ayala has a history of making claims against corporations, including a former employer, General Motors and a fast-food restaurant.
Wendy's maintains the finger did not enter the food in its ingredients. It has offered a $50,000 reward in the case and was keeping open a hot line for tips, spokesman Denny Lynch said.
Sunrise Hospital and Medical Center confirmed Allman's treatment after the leopard attack, but said there was no record of the fingertip in the Pathology Department, where it normally would have been taken.
There was also no record of Ayala as a patient or employee, spokeswoman Glenda McCartney said.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Stolen Car Aftermath
This is the text of an email that I just received from my recent roommate Erik. His car got stolen. Check out the pictures.
=================================================
So, for those that may not know, my car was stolen from in front of my house last Tuesday. They recovered it Thursday morning and it's astonishing how much they got done in about 24 hours. I just got a chance to look at it today. The entire interior, all electronics, the front fenders, hood, and all wheels are gone. They were kind enough to put the interior, fenders, and hood of whatever civic they were swapping with back on my car. So, I gained some really gay louvers on the front fenders for free in just a day :-)
Click HERE for pictures
Anyway, it's in the hands of the insurance now. I'm off to India this weekend so I should have a check by the time I get back and will start shopping for something else. It's been a hassle but I did manage to get back my brand new prescription sunglasses and Todd's mail that was in the trunk. No sign of the CD's but I'll take whatever I can get at this point. We'll see what Progressive ends up giving me for it. I'm sure I'll get screwed out of a few thousand vs. what I could have sold it for privately.
Erik
=================================================
So, for those that may not know, my car was stolen from in front of my house last Tuesday. They recovered it Thursday morning and it's astonishing how much they got done in about 24 hours. I just got a chance to look at it today. The entire interior, all electronics, the front fenders, hood, and all wheels are gone. They were kind enough to put the interior, fenders, and hood of whatever civic they were swapping with back on my car. So, I gained some really gay louvers on the front fenders for free in just a day :-)
Click HERE for pictures
Anyway, it's in the hands of the insurance now. I'm off to India this weekend so I should have a check by the time I get back and will start shopping for something else. It's been a hassle but I did manage to get back my brand new prescription sunglasses and Todd's mail that was in the trunk. No sign of the CD's but I'll take whatever I can get at this point. We'll see what Progressive ends up giving me for it. I'm sure I'll get screwed out of a few thousand vs. what I could have sold it for privately.
Erik
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Traffic Solution
Tired of speeding tickets? Want to open up spaces between you and the cars around you? Check out these balloons. They'll get some nice attention when you're driving on the freeway...
Step 1. Tie these balloons to your vehicle
Step 2. Drive VERY FAST
Step 3. Watch people freak out
Step 4. Tell the nice officer you thought they were real
Step 1. Tie these balloons to your vehicle
Step 2. Drive VERY FAST
Step 3. Watch people freak out
Step 4. Tell the nice officer you thought they were real
Saturday, April 09, 2005
Treat Your Mother Right
Be sure to watch through the first 15 seconds cause that's when it gets real good.
Click here
Ahhh, the 80's... who misses them? You know that Mr.T sure does.
Click here
Ahhh, the 80's... who misses them? You know that Mr.T sure does.
Friday, April 08, 2005
Sailboat Surfing
Yikes! Check out this series of phots. See what happens when some nit-wit tries to surf his sailboat at San Francisco's dangerous Fort Point. What happens to this guy is about what you'd expect.
Click here for pics.
After looking at these, I wonder what the chances are ht at someone is waiting there with a camera to talke all these pictures. Was this planned, or was someone just there taking photos of the surfers?
Click here for pics.
After looking at these, I wonder what the chances are ht at someone is waiting there with a camera to talke all these pictures. Was this planned, or was someone just there taking photos of the surfers?
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
10 Things...
10 THINGS BLACK AND LATIN PEOPLE THINK, BUT WHITE PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
1. Elvis is dead.
2. Having your children curse you out in public is not normal.
3. Jesus was not White.
4. Skinny does not equal sexy.
5. A 5 year child is too big for a stroller.
6. N' SYNC will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5.
7. Thomas Jefferson had black children.
8. An occasional BUTT whooping helps a child stay in line.
9. Kissing your pet is not cute.
10. Rap music is here to stay.
10 THINGS WHITE AND BLACK PEOPLE THINK, BUT HISPANIC PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
1. Hickeys are not attractive.
2. Chicken is food, not a roommate.
3. Jesus is not a name for your son.
4. Your country's flag is not a car decoration.
5. Maria is a name but not for every daughter.
6. Jump out and run is not in any insurance policies.
7. 10 people to a car is considered too many.
8. Buttoning just the top button of your shirt is a bad fashion statement.
9. Mami and Papi can't possibly be the nickname of every person in your family.
10. Letting your children run wildly through the store is not normal.
10 THINGS WHITE AND HISPANIC PEOPLE THINK, BUT BLACK PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
1. O.J. did it.
2. Tupac is dead.
3. Teeth should not be decorated.
4. Weddings should start on time.
5. Your pastor doesn't know everything..
6. Jesse Jackson will never be President.
7. RED is not a Kool Aid flavor, it's a color.
8. Church does not require expensive clothes.
9. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away.
10. Your rims and sound system should not be worth more than your car.
1. Elvis is dead.
2. Having your children curse you out in public is not normal.
3. Jesus was not White.
4. Skinny does not equal sexy.
5. A 5 year child is too big for a stroller.
6. N' SYNC will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5.
7. Thomas Jefferson had black children.
8. An occasional BUTT whooping helps a child stay in line.
9. Kissing your pet is not cute.
10. Rap music is here to stay.
10 THINGS WHITE AND BLACK PEOPLE THINK, BUT HISPANIC PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
1. Hickeys are not attractive.
2. Chicken is food, not a roommate.
3. Jesus is not a name for your son.
4. Your country's flag is not a car decoration.
5. Maria is a name but not for every daughter.
6. Jump out and run is not in any insurance policies.
7. 10 people to a car is considered too many.
8. Buttoning just the top button of your shirt is a bad fashion statement.
9. Mami and Papi can't possibly be the nickname of every person in your family.
10. Letting your children run wildly through the store is not normal.
10 THINGS WHITE AND HISPANIC PEOPLE THINK, BUT BLACK PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
1. O.J. did it.
2. Tupac is dead.
3. Teeth should not be decorated.
4. Weddings should start on time.
5. Your pastor doesn't know everything..
6. Jesse Jackson will never be President.
7. RED is not a Kool Aid flavor, it's a color.
8. Church does not require expensive clothes.
9. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away.
10. Your rims and sound system should not be worth more than your car.
Monday, April 04, 2005
Marriage Part II
A man and a woman, who have never met before and are married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly... he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying,"Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.
"I have a better idea," she replied "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.
"Good," she replied. "Get your own fucking blanket!"
After a moment of silence, he farted.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying,"Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.
"I have a better idea," she replied "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.
"Good," she replied. "Get your own fucking blanket!"
After a moment of silence, he farted.
Marriage
The power mower was broken and wouldn't run, and the wife kept hinting to her husband that he should get it fixed. But, somehow the message never sank in.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When her husband arrived home one day, he found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. He watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
He was gone only a few moments. When he came out again, he handed her a toothbrush. "When you finish cutting the grass, " he said, "you might as well sweep the sidewalks."
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When her husband arrived home one day, he found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. He watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
He was gone only a few moments. When he came out again, he handed her a toothbrush. "When you finish cutting the grass, " he said, "you might as well sweep the sidewalks."
Friday, April 01, 2005
'Ruin Sorbees' or Room Service??!!
This was nominated best email of 1997. A telephonic exchange between a hotel guest and roomservice, at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review.....
Room Service: "Morny. Ruin sorbees"
Guest: "Sorry, I thought I dialled room-service"
RS: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??"
Guest: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs"
RS: "Ow July den?"
G: "What??"
RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?"
G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."
RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?"
G: "Crisp will be fine"
RS: "Hokay. An San tos?"
G: "What?"
RS: "San tos. July San tos?"
G: "I don't think so"
RS: "No? Judo one toes??"
G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo one toes' means."
RS: "Toes! Toes!...why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?"
G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
RS: "We bother?"
G: "No..just put the bother on the side."
RS: "Wad?"
G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."
RS: "Copy?"
G: "Sorry?"
RS: "Copy...tea...mill?"
G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all."
RS: "One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy....rye??"
G: "Whatever you say"
RS: "Tendjewberrymud"
G: "You're welcome"
Room Service: "Morny. Ruin sorbees"
Guest: "Sorry, I thought I dialled room-service"
RS: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??"
Guest: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs"
RS: "Ow July den?"
G: "What??"
RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?"
G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."
RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?"
G: "Crisp will be fine"
RS: "Hokay. An San tos?"
G: "What?"
RS: "San tos. July San tos?"
G: "I don't think so"
RS: "No? Judo one toes??"
G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo one toes' means."
RS: "Toes! Toes!...why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?"
G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
RS: "We bother?"
G: "No..just put the bother on the side."
RS: "Wad?"
G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."
RS: "Copy?"
G: "Sorry?"
RS: "Copy...tea...mill?"
G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all."
RS: "One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy....rye??"
G: "Whatever you say"
RS: "Tendjewberrymud"
G: "You're welcome"
