Wednesday, May 17, 2006
redneck forces
The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF) .
These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, West Virginia, Missouri, Oklahoma, Tennessee, and Texas boys will be dropped off into Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists :
1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.
5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.
The Pentagon expects the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
true love that has lasted the test of time
Click picture to enlarge so you can read their heartwarming story
Monday, May 08, 2006
corporate spin on an old joke
A guy joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.
On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone: "Bring to me a cup of coffee, quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded: "You fool; you've dialed the Wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?"
"No" replied the trainee.
"It's the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!"
The trainee shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you MORON?"
"No!" replied the Managing Director angrily.
"Thank God!" replied the trainee and put down the phone
Thursday, May 04, 2006
maude and claude
Maude and Claude, both 91, lived in a retirement community. They met in the social center and discovered over time that they enjoyed each other's company. After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked Maude out for dinner and, much to his delight, she accepted. They had a lovely evening. They dined at the most romantic restaurant in town. And despite his age, Claude was still a charmer.
Afterward, Claude asked Maude to join him at his place for an after-dinner drink. Things continued along a natural course and age being no inhibitor, Maude soon joined Claude for a most enjoyable roll in the hay.
As they were basking in the glow of the magic moments they'd shared, each was lost for a time in their own thoughts.
Claude was thinking: "If I'd known she was a virgin, I'd have been more gentle.
"Maude was thinking: "If I'd known he could still do it, I'd have taken off my pantyhose.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
water and wine education
WATER...... It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli bacteria found in faeces, in other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of Doo Doo.
However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey, beer or other liquors) because alcohol has to go through a distillation process of boiling, filtering and fermenting.
WATER = Doo Doo
WINE = HEALTH
Free yourself of Doo Doo, drink WINE!!!
It is better to drink wine and talk Doo Doo than to drink water and be full of shit. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information, I am doing it as a public service.
Have a nice day..
Monday, May 01, 2006
an eyeful a day keeps the doctor away
By Jonathan Hayter
Staring at women's breasts is good for men's health and makes them live longer, a new survey reveals.
Researchers have discovered that a 10 minute ogle at women's breasts is as healthy as half-an-hour in the gym. A five-year study of 200 men found that those who enjoyed a
longing look at busty beauties had lower blood pressure, less heart disease and slower pulse rates compared to those who did not their daily eyeful.
Dr.Karen Weatherby, who carried out the German study, wrote in the New England Journal of Medicine: "Just 10 minutes of staring at the charms of a well endowed female is
roughly equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics workout.
"Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation.
"There is no question that gazing at breasts makes men healthier.
"Our study indicates that engaging in this activity a few minutes daily cuts the risk of a stroke and heart attack in half.
"We believe that by doing so consistently, the average man can extend his life four to five years."
