Monday, February 28, 2005
Todd's Next Hobby
Man, this looks like a great time. A co-worker of mine is hooked on paragliding and it looks like something I'd really enjoy myself. He used to ride his harley every weekend... now he flies!
Anyway, click here for a fun video... pay the video in the upper left hand corner. It's big and will take a bit...
Anyway, click here for a fun video... pay the video in the upper left hand corner. It's big and will take a bit...
Daily Weird News
Talk about bored and horny inmates. These Turkish prisoners drilled through a shared prison wall just to get a little nooky...
Krafty has halted production of their new road-kill candy. Seems like it only tested well in West Virginia, Georgia, upstate New York and Texas... eseentially in the red states...
Guess who won the new Miss Botswana is? To qualify, she must b HIV positive. Bizarre.
This Indian boy had fooled his whole contry, meida and government about winning a NASA award on a non-exitstant exam... right until he met the President of India...
Krafty has halted production of their new road-kill candy. Seems like it only tested well in West Virginia, Georgia, upstate New York and Texas... eseentially in the red states...
Guess who won the new Miss Botswana is? To qualify, she must b HIV positive. Bizarre.
This Indian boy had fooled his whole contry, meida and government about winning a NASA award on a non-exitstant exam... right until he met the President of India...
Friday, February 25, 2005
More HST News
Here's some sad details about last Sunday when HST offed himself. I sure feel for Anita. I wnder what she said to him justr before he did it?
...from the article...
"Anita Thompson said her husband had talked about killing himself in recent months, putting an intense strain on their relationship.
"He wanted to leave on top of his game. I wish I could have been more supportive of his decision. It was a problem for us," she said.
She was initially angry after he killed himself, she said.
"He was my best friend, my lover, my partner, and my teacher," she said. "But I know he is much more powerful and alive now than ever before. He is in all of our hearts. His death was a triumph of his own human spirit because this is what he wanted. He lived and died like a champion."
"
... I dunno about HST being at the top of his game. I did like his last book Kingdom of Fear, but I didn't think it was even close to either Fear and Loathing book. Kudos to Anita for the way she remembers her man. He was a Champion and will forever be my Personal Hero!
...from the article...
"Anita Thompson said her husband had talked about killing himself in recent months, putting an intense strain on their relationship.
"He wanted to leave on top of his game. I wish I could have been more supportive of his decision. It was a problem for us," she said.
She was initially angry after he killed himself, she said.
"He was my best friend, my lover, my partner, and my teacher," she said. "But I know he is much more powerful and alive now than ever before. He is in all of our hearts. His death was a triumph of his own human spirit because this is what he wanted. He lived and died like a champion."
"
... I dunno about HST being at the top of his game. I did like his last book Kingdom of Fear, but I didn't think it was even close to either Fear and Loathing book. Kudos to Anita for the way she remembers her man. He was a Champion and will forever be my Personal Hero!
Canada sticks up for its Airspace
Canada will not cede it's airspace to US hegemony. It's nice to see some backbone in Ottawa for a change!
Daily Weird News
So the guy who 'lost' his sperm to a lady who used it to fertilize herself had his day in court but did not get what he wanted...
These two danish burglars wanted to get their car away from the scene of the crime, but when their car keys were stolen, they called the police. Even Barney from the Andy Griffith show could have caught them...
If you are using the FireFox web browser (and you should be), now is the time to get it's first patch.
Public use of breast cream? Sounds like a fun show!
Sounds like single Japanese women would like to stay unwed. Can marriage be that bad over there? Don't these people have the cherished American 'family values'? Talk about a place that needs to 'protect marriage'...
These two danish burglars wanted to get their car away from the scene of the crime, but when their car keys were stolen, they called the police. Even Barney from the Andy Griffith show could have caught them...
If you are using the FireFox web browser (and you should be), now is the time to get it's first patch.
Public use of breast cream? Sounds like a fun show!
Sounds like single Japanese women would like to stay unwed. Can marriage be that bad over there? Don't these people have the cherished American 'family values'? Talk about a place that needs to 'protect marriage'...
A Good Link
Aside from the pure sexism against men that is involved in this site, it's definitely worth your time.
Click here
Click here
Newfie Fingers
Johnny was working at the fish plant in Carbonear when he accidentally cut off all ten of his fingers.
He went to the emergency room in St. John's and when he got there the doctor looked at Johnny and said "Let's have da fingers and I'll see what I can do".
Johnny said, "I haven't got da fingers".
"What do you mean, you haven't got da fingers"? "Lord t'undrin Jesus it's 2004! We's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put dem back on and made you like new!
Why didn't you bring da fingers"?
Johnny says ... (Are you ready for this?????)
"How da fock was I suppose to pick dem up"??
He went to the emergency room in St. John's and when he got there the doctor looked at Johnny and said "Let's have da fingers and I'll see what I can do".
Johnny said, "I haven't got da fingers".
"What do you mean, you haven't got da fingers"? "Lord t'undrin Jesus it's 2004! We's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put dem back on and made you like new!
Why didn't you bring da fingers"?
Johnny says ... (Are you ready for this?????)
"How da fock was I suppose to pick dem up"??
The MATRIX has you
Pretty unsettling information about the latest data gathering project by the feds. This is just an repackaged version of Poindexter's Total Information Awareness project. Watch the movie first...
Movie
Matrix in PA
Movie
Matrix in PA
Deserted Island Joke
On a chain of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:
- Two Italian men and one Italian woman
- Two French men and one French woman
- Two German men and one German woman
- Two Greek men and one Greek woman
- Two English men and one English woman
- Two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman
- Two Japanese men and one Japanese woman
- Two Chinese men and one Chinese woman
- Two Irish men and one Irish woman
- Two American men and one American woman
One month later, on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:
- One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
- The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage a trois.
- The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.
- The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
- The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
- The two Bulgarian men took one look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming to another island.
- The two Japanese have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.
- The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy/store/restaurant/laundry, and have gotten the woman pregnant in order to supply employees and customers for their store.
- The two Irish men divided the island into North and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets somewhat foggy after a few liters of coconut whiskey. However, they're satisfied because the English aren't having any fun.
- The two American men are contemplating suicide because the American woman will not shut up and complains relentlessly about her body, the true nature of feminism, what the sun is doing to her skin, how she can do anything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with her mother is the root cause of all her problems, and why didn't they bring a darn cell phone so they could call 911 and get them all rescued off this heaven-forsaken deserted island in the middle of nowhere so she can get her nails done and go shopping.
- Two Italian men and one Italian woman
- Two French men and one French woman
- Two German men and one German woman
- Two Greek men and one Greek woman
- Two English men and one English woman
- Two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman
- Two Japanese men and one Japanese woman
- Two Chinese men and one Chinese woman
- Two Irish men and one Irish woman
- Two American men and one American woman
One month later, on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:
- One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
- The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage a trois.
- The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.
- The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
- The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
- The two Bulgarian men took one look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming to another island.
- The two Japanese have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.
- The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy/store/restaurant/laundry, and have gotten the woman pregnant in order to supply employees and customers for their store.
- The two Irish men divided the island into North and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets somewhat foggy after a few liters of coconut whiskey. However, they're satisfied because the English aren't having any fun.
- The two American men are contemplating suicide because the American woman will not shut up and complains relentlessly about her body, the true nature of feminism, what the sun is doing to her skin, how she can do anything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with her mother is the root cause of all her problems, and why didn't they bring a darn cell phone so they could call 911 and get them all rescued off this heaven-forsaken deserted island in the middle of nowhere so she can get her nails done and go shopping.
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Daily Weird News
Can a man really sue a woman over pregnancy? This guy is trying!
Check out what the 'brains behind the Swift Boat' attacks have come up with now. To support Dubbya's agenda in Social Security Reform, they are now taking aim a the cheif roadblock group to that reform: the AARP.
This 'naturalist' lawyer should be sure to choose the correct car to run to for refuge from his streaking activities. If he chose the right car, he might not be in jail now.
A budget surplus in North America? Did anyone think it possible? Well it is.. in Canada. The mild mannered neighbor to the north is projecting a $3 billion surplus in 2004 and it will grow over the next five years. Now that is how you deserve a tax cut.
Check out what the 'brains behind the Swift Boat' attacks have come up with now. To support Dubbya's agenda in Social Security Reform, they are now taking aim a the cheif roadblock group to that reform: the AARP.
This 'naturalist' lawyer should be sure to choose the correct car to run to for refuge from his streaking activities. If he chose the right car, he might not be in jail now.
A budget surplus in North America? Did anyone think it possible? Well it is.. in Canada. The mild mannered neighbor to the north is projecting a $3 billion surplus in 2004 and it will grow over the next five years. Now that is how you deserve a tax cut.
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Daily Weird News
Here's a good bit about departed Dr. Gonzo! Will miss you, sir! The latest news about his passing reports that his ashes will be fired from a cannon across his Colorado estate. That is as fitting end to the man as anyone could imagine.
The Onion has the scoop:
Is Arnie's strength beginning to give out to the pressures of ruling those unruly Californians?
Finally, it looks like Bush is not going to get the crucial Canadian participation in the Missile Defense shield that he wants to badly...
These Iraqi students overiously have not hear the Beastie Boys, since they are fighting for their right NOT to party. They are protesting the addition of Saturday to the weekend.
The Onion has the scoop:
- People's Sexiest Man Alive marks his first 100 days as sexy.
- Minnesota is far too polite to ask for Federal Funding...
- Miller wants this guy to drink responsibly?
Is Arnie's strength beginning to give out to the pressures of ruling those unruly Californians?
Finally, it looks like Bush is not going to get the crucial Canadian participation in the Missile Defense shield that he wants to badly...
These Iraqi students overiously have not hear the Beastie Boys, since they are fighting for their right NOT to party. They are protesting the addition of Saturday to the weekend.
Hunter S. Thompson and George W. Bush
We awoke this morning expecting to hear the latest White House equivocation on whether George W. Bush lied about his drug use during the 2000 presidential race. Instead, we learned that Hunter S. Thompson had killed himself at home in Woody Creek, Colo.
We can only imagine what Thompson would be writing today, as the mainstream press begins to digest the president's audiotaped confession of past drug use. In conversations recorded in the late 1990s by author and former Bush advisor Doug Wead, Bush admits that he used marijuana and comes awfully close to acknowledging that he used cocaine as well. Bush tells Wead that he won't answer reporters' questions about marijuana use because he doesn't want to set a bad example -- by telling the truth. "Do you want your little kid to say, 'Hey daddy, President Bush tried marijuana; I think I will?'" Bush says on the tapes. "That's the message we've been sending out. I wouldn't answer the marijuana question." Bush tells Wead that he never denied using cocaine, then explains his plan for dealing with the question. "The cocaine thing, let me tell you my strategy on that," Bush said. "Rather than saying no . . . I think it's time for someone to draw the line and look people in the eye and say, you know, 'I'm not going to participate in ugly rumors about me and blame my opponent,' and hold the line. Stand up for a system that will not allow this kind of crap to go on."
Thompson claimed to know a thing or two about the president's partying past. In an interview with The Independent in 2004, Thompson said he remembered meeting Bush at Thompson's Super Bowl party in Houston in 1974. He said that Bush was "with a guy who had come to sell . . . " but then cut himself off. "Look, I'm not going to put this next sentence on the record. Let's just say that 'a friend of mine' was buying cocaine. I have friends in Houston from all walks of life. Lawyers. Professional men. Bush was hanging around with this crowd of what you might call gilded coke dilettantes."
Thompson's memory wasn't always the most reliable, and his story about his Houston encounter with Bush evolved over time. But in the 2004 telling of it, at least, Thompson said the future president had left an indelible impression on him. "He knew who I was, at that time, because I had a reputation as a writer," Thompson said. "I knew he was part of the Bush dynasty. But he was nothing, he offered nothing, and he promised nothing. He had no humor. He was insignificant in every way and consequently I didn't pay much attention to him. But when he passed out in my bathtub, then I noticed him. I'd been in another room, talking to the bright people. I had to have him taken away."
-- Tim Grieve
Salon.com
We can only imagine what Thompson would be writing today, as the mainstream press begins to digest the president's audiotaped confession of past drug use. In conversations recorded in the late 1990s by author and former Bush advisor Doug Wead, Bush admits that he used marijuana and comes awfully close to acknowledging that he used cocaine as well. Bush tells Wead that he won't answer reporters' questions about marijuana use because he doesn't want to set a bad example -- by telling the truth. "Do you want your little kid to say, 'Hey daddy, President Bush tried marijuana; I think I will?'" Bush says on the tapes. "That's the message we've been sending out. I wouldn't answer the marijuana question." Bush tells Wead that he never denied using cocaine, then explains his plan for dealing with the question. "The cocaine thing, let me tell you my strategy on that," Bush said. "Rather than saying no . . . I think it's time for someone to draw the line and look people in the eye and say, you know, 'I'm not going to participate in ugly rumors about me and blame my opponent,' and hold the line. Stand up for a system that will not allow this kind of crap to go on."
Thompson claimed to know a thing or two about the president's partying past. In an interview with The Independent in 2004, Thompson said he remembered meeting Bush at Thompson's Super Bowl party in Houston in 1974. He said that Bush was "with a guy who had come to sell . . . " but then cut himself off. "Look, I'm not going to put this next sentence on the record. Let's just say that 'a friend of mine' was buying cocaine. I have friends in Houston from all walks of life. Lawyers. Professional men. Bush was hanging around with this crowd of what you might call gilded coke dilettantes."
Thompson's memory wasn't always the most reliable, and his story about his Houston encounter with Bush evolved over time. But in the 2004 telling of it, at least, Thompson said the future president had left an indelible impression on him. "He knew who I was, at that time, because I had a reputation as a writer," Thompson said. "I knew he was part of the Bush dynasty. But he was nothing, he offered nothing, and he promised nothing. He had no humor. He was insignificant in every way and consequently I didn't pay much attention to him. But when he passed out in my bathtub, then I noticed him. I'd been in another room, talking to the bright people. I had to have him taken away."
-- Tim Grieve
Salon.com
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Daily Weird News
This is not exactly a court settlement for adultery that you'd expect would fly in this day and age, but in some parts of the world it is viewed as very reasonable.
How these guys in Norway stole this family's inground pool, I could never guess.
This Romanian schoolgirl was finally releived of her mis-ruled fines for prostiution and awarded $16k for her troubles.
Lorraine Bobbit Part Deux!!! This Alaskan man made the fatal mistake of allowing his girlfriend, whom he was about to break up with, to tie him to the windowsill. I'll let you read the rest...
How these guys in Norway stole this family's inground pool, I could never guess.
This Romanian schoolgirl was finally releived of her mis-ruled fines for prostiution and awarded $16k for her troubles.
Lorraine Bobbit Part Deux!!! This Alaskan man made the fatal mistake of allowing his girlfriend, whom he was about to break up with, to tie him to the windowsill. I'll let you read the rest...
Monday, February 21, 2005
Oh Captain, My Captain!!!
My personal hero, Hunter S. Thompson, comitted suicide yesterday at his home in Aspen, Colorado. No note, no reason. Just a gunshot to the head. Maybe his trip finally got to be too much for him. Who knows. I'm sure the tabloids will be coming up with their reasons in no time.
I think the best way to eulogize Thompson is to use his own words form Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas when he is saying good bye to his best friend, Dr. Gonzo:
"There he goes one of God's own prototypes, a high powered mutant never even considered for mass-production. Too weird to live, to rare to die."
I think the best way to eulogize Thompson is to use his own words form Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas when he is saying good bye to his best friend, Dr. Gonzo:
"There he goes one of God's own prototypes, a high powered mutant never even considered for mass-production. Too weird to live, to rare to die."
Friday, February 18, 2005
Hope Springs Eternal
If the Great One and Super Mario (both player owners) can't get the players and owners back at the bargaining table, no one can!
Go Wayne G0!! We Love you, you big Wayner!
Go Wayne G0!! We Love you, you big Wayner!
ooooops!
Check out the fourth paragraph. One of my friends from BC did that! She's kind of proud of it too.
Basically, she sent out a press release with a little snafu in the title... the enrty is as foolwos:
'On a similar note, if your client is called MetaNetworks, it's probably best you don't refer to them as MeatNetworks in the subject line of a press release (you know who you are... which is good, because we didn't).
It got our attention but probably only because we're hard-up, hungry hacks to whom a MeatNetwork sounded a very filling proposition.
Pity the poor Round-Up who thought it might be an invite to the first barbecue of the year.'
Basically, she sent out a press release with a little snafu in the title... the enrty is as foolwos:
'On a similar note, if your client is called MetaNetworks, it's probably best you don't refer to them as MeatNetworks in the subject line of a press release (you know who you are... which is good, because we didn't).
It got our attention but probably only because we're hard-up, hungry hacks to whom a MeatNetwork sounded a very filling proposition.
Pity the poor Round-Up who thought it might be an invite to the first barbecue of the year.'
Daily Weird News
This 'art club' has had a good opening, where everyone is given a pad and pencil so they can be within the laws when they draw the nude dancing ladies...
This SUV (read: Selfish User Vehicle) driver on the Bay Bridge got quite a surprise when he tossed his cigarette butt out the window...
Here's an unkind reading of the NHL lockout disaster. I agree whole heartedly... Time for the WHL.
Looks like the Vatican has been screening the Exorcist series a few times too often. Or perhaps they are worried about the new Kaenu Reeves movie, Constantine. They are now offering courses at an affiliated university in combatting Satanism...
A new use for robots! I'd love to see them at work.
This SUV (read: Selfish User Vehicle) driver on the Bay Bridge got quite a surprise when he tossed his cigarette butt out the window...
Here's an unkind reading of the NHL lockout disaster. I agree whole heartedly... Time for the WHL.
Looks like the Vatican has been screening the Exorcist series a few times too often. Or perhaps they are worried about the new Kaenu Reeves movie, Constantine. They are now offering courses at an affiliated university in combatting Satanism...
A new use for robots! I'd love to see them at work.
Thursday, February 17, 2005
ESPN's eloquent Image of mourning for the NHL
Done like dinner: stick a fork in the NHL Turkey
A fork was stuck into the NHL Wednesday by commissioner Gary Bettman, ending the season that never began for the first time in league history. (Toronto Sun/Veronica Henri)
Click the picture or HERE for the full, sad story
Something to Offend Everyone
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
Juan on Juan
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
Very Interesting!
In 18th Century, there were no cameras. One's image was either sculpted or painted. Some paintings of George Washington showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed both legs and both arms. Prices charged by painters were not based on how many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted. Arms and legs are "limbs," therefore painting them would cost the buyer more. Hence the _expression, "Okay, but it'll cost you an arm and a leg."
**************************************************************
As incredible as it sounds, men and women took baths only twice a year (May and October)! Women kept their hair covered, while men shaved their heads (because of lice and bugs) and wore wigs. Wealthy men could afford good wigs made from wool. They couldn't wash the wigs, so to clean them they would carve out a loaf of bread, put the wig in the shell, and bake it for 30 minutes. The heat would make the wig big and fluffy, hence the term "big wig." Today we often use the term "here comes the Big Wig" because someone appears to be or is powerful and wealthy.
**************************************************************
Personal hygiene left much room for improvement. As a result, many women and men had developed acne scars by adulthood. The women would spread bee's wax over their facial skin to smooth out their complexions. When they were speaking to each other, if a woman began to stare at another woman's face she was told, "mind your own bee's wax." Should the woman smile, the wax would crack, hence the term "crack a smile." In addition, when they sat too close to the fire, the wax would melt . . therefore, the _expression "losing face."
**************************************************************
Ladies wore corsets, which would lace up in the front. A proper and dignified woman . as in "straight laced". . . wore a tightly tied lace.
**************************************************************
Early politicians required feedback from the public to determine what the people considered important. So they sent their assistants to local taverns, pubs, and bars. They were told to "go sip some ale" and listen to people's conversations and political concerns. Many assistants were dispatched at different times. "You go sip here" and "You go sip there." The two words "go sip" were eventually combined when referring to the local opinion and, thus we have the term "gossip."
**************************************************************
In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships carried cannons. Those cannons fired round iron cannon balls. It was necessary to keep a good supply near the cannon. The best storage method devised was a square-based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on four resting on nine, which rested on sixteen. To prevent the bottom layer from sliding or rolling from under the others there was a metal plate called a "Monkey" with 16 round indentations. However, if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make "Brass Monkeys." Brass contracts faster than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannonballs would come right off the monkey. Thus, it was quite literally,"Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey."
**************************************************************
As incredible as it sounds, men and women took baths only twice a year (May and October)! Women kept their hair covered, while men shaved their heads (because of lice and bugs) and wore wigs. Wealthy men could afford good wigs made from wool. They couldn't wash the wigs, so to clean them they would carve out a loaf of bread, put the wig in the shell, and bake it for 30 minutes. The heat would make the wig big and fluffy, hence the term "big wig." Today we often use the term "here comes the Big Wig" because someone appears to be or is powerful and wealthy.
**************************************************************
Personal hygiene left much room for improvement. As a result, many women and men had developed acne scars by adulthood. The women would spread bee's wax over their facial skin to smooth out their complexions. When they were speaking to each other, if a woman began to stare at another woman's face she was told, "mind your own bee's wax." Should the woman smile, the wax would crack, hence the term "crack a smile." In addition, when they sat too close to the fire, the wax would melt . . therefore, the _expression "losing face."
**************************************************************
Ladies wore corsets, which would lace up in the front. A proper and dignified woman . as in "straight laced". . . wore a tightly tied lace.
**************************************************************
Early politicians required feedback from the public to determine what the people considered important. So they sent their assistants to local taverns, pubs, and bars. They were told to "go sip some ale" and listen to people's conversations and political concerns. Many assistants were dispatched at different times. "You go sip here" and "You go sip there." The two words "go sip" were eventually combined when referring to the local opinion and, thus we have the term "gossip."
**************************************************************
In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships carried cannons. Those cannons fired round iron cannon balls. It was necessary to keep a good supply near the cannon. The best storage method devised was a square-based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on four resting on nine, which rested on sixteen. To prevent the bottom layer from sliding or rolling from under the others there was a metal plate called a "Monkey" with 16 round indentations. However, if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make "Brass Monkeys." Brass contracts faster than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannonballs would come right off the monkey. Thus, it was quite literally,"Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey."
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Daily Sad News
Woe discordia!! Okay, okay. It's now official. The 2004-2005 season it totally D.E.A.D - dead. Thanks a lot, Bettman and Goodenow. We'll never forget your efforts. Your names will live in infamy. NHL fans the world over (well, in Canada and the North Eastern USA at least) hate both of you forever. FOREVER!!!
Leave it the Onion. They have the scoop and a disappiontingly bloodless coup in Kyrgystan, Michael Moore's new Ben and Jerry's ice cream flavor (the Waffle Truth) and an amazingly appreciated mother.
The image of Czar Nicholas II in dancing tights in this Moscow Ballet has disturbed some viewers (mostly church goers, of course). I think it would disturb me too.
Leave it the Onion. They have the scoop and a disappiontingly bloodless coup in Kyrgystan, Michael Moore's new Ben and Jerry's ice cream flavor (the Waffle Truth) and an amazingly appreciated mother.
The image of Czar Nicholas II in dancing tights in this Moscow Ballet has disturbed some viewers (mostly church goers, of course). I think it would disturb me too.
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Heart Warming - Tsunami Survivor
She floated for days before being rescued! Haggard and dehydrated survivors of Asia's tsunami catastrophe are found floating in the ocean as far out as 100 miles! The attached picture is of a woman who managed to survive without any debris or flotation devices for 7days.
Monday, February 14, 2005
Yo' Beeeeyotch!!!
New Homeland Security Warning System
Men, click here for possible life saving infromation...
25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP (aka getting old)
1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 P.M.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 A.M. would severely upset,rather than settle, your stomach.
19. If you're a gal, you go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid,not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff".
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that
doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old butt. Then you
forward it to a bunch of old pals &friends 'cause you know they'll enjoy it & do the same thing...
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 P.M.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 A.M. would severely upset,rather than settle, your stomach.
19. If you're a gal, you go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid,not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff".
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that
doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old butt. Then you
forward it to a bunch of old pals &friends 'cause you know they'll enjoy it & do the same thing...
Cowboys and Indians
A cowboy meets an Indian herding sheep up in the Flathead Valley of Montana.
Cowboy:
"Hey, cool dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?"
Indian:
"Dog no talk."
Cowboy:
"Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog:
"Doin' all right."
Indian:
(Look of shock.)
Cowboy:
"Is this Indian your owner?" (pointing at the Indian)
Dog:
"Yep."
Cowboy:
"How does he treat you?"
Dog:
"Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Indian:
(Look of total disbelief.! )
Cowboy:
"Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Indian:
"Horse no talk."
Cowboy:
"Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse:
"Cool."
Cowboy:
"Is this your owner?" (pointing to Indian)
Horse:
"Yep."
Cowboy:
"How's he treat you?"
Horse:
"Pretty good. Thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in a lean-to to protect me from the elements."
Indian:
(Look of total amazement)
Cowboy:
"Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Indian:
"Sheep lie"
Cowboy:
"Hey, cool dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?"
Indian:
"Dog no talk."
Cowboy:
"Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog:
"Doin' all right."
Indian:
(Look of shock.)
Cowboy:
"Is this Indian your owner?" (pointing at the Indian)
Dog:
"Yep."
Cowboy:
"How does he treat you?"
Dog:
"Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Indian:
(Look of total disbelief.! )
Cowboy:
"Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Indian:
"Horse no talk."
Cowboy:
"Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse:
"Cool."
Cowboy:
"Is this your owner?" (pointing to Indian)
Horse:
"Yep."
Cowboy:
"How's he treat you?"
Horse:
"Pretty good. Thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in a lean-to to protect me from the elements."
Indian:
(Look of total amazement)
Cowboy:
"Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Indian:
"Sheep lie"
Daily Weird News
Why not celebrate Valentine's Day with a divorce? This radio station is offering a free divorce for some sad stories.
Here's an interesting Valentine's Day story about the pursuit of forbidden love in a restrictive kingdom, Saudi Arabia. With such strict religious taboos, these poor people's expression of love is an underground act of defiance, and isn't that what St. Valentine died for originally?
While, in the Philippines, they are going to a million smooches in the liplock festival of the year. They are celebrating with a Lovapalooza as they try to break Chile's record. Meanwhile, Christians in Singapore are hoping for a chaste day of love.
Another failure for the Star Wars program. Once again, during the $85 million test, that has not happened for two years, the anti-missile system has failed to shoot down an ICBM that was launched from Kodiak Island.
Has this guy ever heard of IKEA? I don't know, but paying $7.5 million for a table made in the USA sounds a bit pricey to me.
It's official: Gary Bettman and Bob Goodenow hate NHL hockey and feel no love for the game's suffering fans. The final nail in the coffin of the possible 2004-2005 season is about to be hammered in by an uncaring Betmann. From this fan to those two blowhards, "Thanks a lot fellas. I hope you both rot in your own self-made hell."
Here's an interesting Valentine's Day story about the pursuit of forbidden love in a restrictive kingdom, Saudi Arabia. With such strict religious taboos, these poor people's expression of love is an underground act of defiance, and isn't that what St. Valentine died for originally?
While, in the Philippines, they are going to a million smooches in the liplock festival of the year. They are celebrating with a Lovapalooza as they try to break Chile's record. Meanwhile, Christians in Singapore are hoping for a chaste day of love.
Another failure for the Star Wars program. Once again, during the $85 million test, that has not happened for two years, the anti-missile system has failed to shoot down an ICBM that was launched from Kodiak Island.
Has this guy ever heard of IKEA? I don't know, but paying $7.5 million for a table made in the USA sounds a bit pricey to me.
It's official: Gary Bettman and Bob Goodenow hate NHL hockey and feel no love for the game's suffering fans. The final nail in the coffin of the possible 2004-2005 season is about to be hammered in by an uncaring Betmann. From this fan to those two blowhards, "Thanks a lot fellas. I hope you both rot in your own self-made hell."
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Daily Weird News
Once again, the Onion has the scoop on Bin Laden's dastardly wishes for Valentine's Day. Does his depravity know no bounds?
The death watch is on, not just fopr the Pope, but also for the beloved Watergate infromer known as 'Deep-Throat'. Bob Woodward has promised not to reveal the informer's identity until after their death.
Another red state genius robbed a convenience store and left his wallet at the scene of the crime and then went to the police station to pick it up.
If you don't like Valentines day or cannot come up with a good date for your sweetie, Virgin Mobile will call them for you and give them a good excuse.
Yeowch!!! This couple is certainly not in the Valentines Day spirit. Whe nthey broke up, the woman ripped off the man's left nut with her bare hands before hiding it in her mouth and then giving it back... She got 2.5 years in the Big House for her efforts.
Wal-Mart finally experiences some labour troubles. Who gives it to them? It's their stores in Quebec that are actually unionized. Maybe other minimum wage Wal-Mart slaves without medical insurance will take notice...
The death watch is on, not just fopr the Pope, but also for the beloved Watergate infromer known as 'Deep-Throat'. Bob Woodward has promised not to reveal the informer's identity until after their death.
Another red state genius robbed a convenience store and left his wallet at the scene of the crime and then went to the police station to pick it up.
If you don't like Valentines day or cannot come up with a good date for your sweetie, Virgin Mobile will call them for you and give them a good excuse.
Yeowch!!! This couple is certainly not in the Valentines Day spirit. Whe nthey broke up, the woman ripped off the man's left nut with her bare hands before hiding it in her mouth and then giving it back... She got 2.5 years in the Big House for her efforts.
Wal-Mart finally experiences some labour troubles. Who gives it to them? It's their stores in Quebec that are actually unionized. Maybe other minimum wage Wal-Mart slaves without medical insurance will take notice...
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
Commute Humour
This morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 65 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner.
I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup.
As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much; I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand.
In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed, and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the darn phone, soaked my trousers, and disconnected an important call!
Damn women drivers!!!
I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup.
As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much; I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand.
In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed, and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the darn phone, soaked my trousers, and disconnected an important call!
Damn women drivers!!!
Daily Weird News
Product placement troubling the SuperBowl? The Onion chimes in with its opinion.
Ahh, the Penis-Pump Judge finally got kicked off the bench in Oaklahoma. I'm sure the bailiffs will miss that mysterious whoosing sound as the key witness gives heart felt testimony...
Wow, this beeyotch sure brought it to this kid when, in reaction to some perceived slight on her tribe, an Idaho woman removed the mowhawk of this young punk-rocker woman, along with her scalp.
This British Army whirrlie-bird operator was reprimanded by his superiors when he used his machine to deliver a pizza to his girlfriend.
Militant Palestinian groups are dis-avowing the ceasefire and true agreements the newly elected Palestinian authority has penned with the Israelie governement. This is starting to sounds like a siilar situation to Northern Ireland where the majority of people want peace, except for a few disgruntled people.
Ahh, the Penis-Pump Judge finally got kicked off the bench in Oaklahoma. I'm sure the bailiffs will miss that mysterious whoosing sound as the key witness gives heart felt testimony...
Wow, this beeyotch sure brought it to this kid when, in reaction to some perceived slight on her tribe, an Idaho woman removed the mowhawk of this young punk-rocker woman, along with her scalp.
This British Army whirrlie-bird operator was reprimanded by his superiors when he used his machine to deliver a pizza to his girlfriend.
Militant Palestinian groups are dis-avowing the ceasefire and true agreements the newly elected Palestinian authority has penned with the Israelie governement. This is starting to sounds like a siilar situation to Northern Ireland where the majority of people want peace, except for a few disgruntled people.
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
The BEST Internet Mapping Application
You wanna map or directions? Google has come up with the handiest mapping application for an internet browser that I have ever seen. It's so fast, flexible and easy to use. It zooms quickly, pans even faster and gets you the detail you need immediately. Not to mention there are some handy little shortcuts for businesses and driving directions on the side.
Check it out.
Check it out.
Monday, February 07, 2005
The Bronze Rat
A tourist walked into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking around at the exotica, he noticed a very lifelike, life-sized bronze statue of a rat.
It had no price tag, but it was so striking he decided he must have it.
He took it to the counter. "How much for the bronze rat?"
"Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for the story," the owner said.
The tourist gave the shop owner twelve dollars. "I'll take the rat. You can keep the story."
As he walked down the street carrying the rat, he soon noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and began following him.
This was disconcerting, so he began walking faster. But within a couple of blocks, the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing. He began to trot toward the Bay, but looking back he saw that the rats now numbered in the millions, were squealing ever louder, and coming toward him faster and faster. Now scared, he broke into a run, then a full Olympic sprint to the edge of the Bay where he threw the bronze rat as far out as he could muster. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after the bronze rat, and they all drowned.
The man walked back to the curio shop.
"Aha!" said the owner. "You have come back for the story."
"No," said the man, "I came back to see if you have a bronze Republican."
It had no price tag, but it was so striking he decided he must have it.
He took it to the counter. "How much for the bronze rat?"
"Twelve dollars for the rat, one hundred dollars for the story," the owner said.
The tourist gave the shop owner twelve dollars. "I'll take the rat. You can keep the story."
As he walked down the street carrying the rat, he soon noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and began following him.
This was disconcerting, so he began walking faster. But within a couple of blocks, the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing. He began to trot toward the Bay, but looking back he saw that the rats now numbered in the millions, were squealing ever louder, and coming toward him faster and faster. Now scared, he broke into a run, then a full Olympic sprint to the edge of the Bay where he threw the bronze rat as far out as he could muster. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after the bronze rat, and they all drowned.
The man walked back to the curio shop.
"Aha!" said the owner. "You have come back for the story."
"No," said the man, "I came back to see if you have a bronze Republican."
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Daily Weird News
There's just too much weird new out there.
Check out the way this Nude Juice Bar and Movie House owner has got around the laws of his area, time and time again. Too funny. And there is a bunch of losers who call themselves the "Citizens Against Nude Juicebars and Pornography" who continually protest the place.
Now this is one sick guy. He really has it in for the manufacturers of his mother's pacemaker.
Talk about putting the mice in charge of the cheese! This cop robbed a bank and then conducted the investigation. You gotta wonder how he got caught.
These animated frog genitailia have some people up on arms. Just like the Citizens Against Nude Juicebars and Pornography, these people need to get a life.
The Taster's Choice guy finally gets his day. He won 15.6 Million for the un-requested use of his face o nthe label...
Looks like the powers that be don't like hippies in the DPRK (North Korea) either. Kim Jong il = Richard Nixon?
Man! I sure don't want to be attended by these two lousy EMTs in North Carolina.
Check out the way this Nude Juice Bar and Movie House owner has got around the laws of his area, time and time again. Too funny. And there is a bunch of losers who call themselves the "Citizens Against Nude Juicebars and Pornography" who continually protest the place.
Now this is one sick guy. He really has it in for the manufacturers of his mother's pacemaker.
Talk about putting the mice in charge of the cheese! This cop robbed a bank and then conducted the investigation. You gotta wonder how he got caught.
These animated frog genitailia have some people up on arms. Just like the Citizens Against Nude Juicebars and Pornography, these people need to get a life.
The Taster's Choice guy finally gets his day. He won 15.6 Million for the un-requested use of his face o nthe label...
Looks like the powers that be don't like hippies in the DPRK (North Korea) either. Kim Jong il = Richard Nixon?
Man! I sure don't want to be attended by these two lousy EMTs in North Carolina.
Check this out
It's a pretty amazing picture. You gotta wonder, how did he do that? I had no idea those wires were so strong...
Great Videos
Check out this site for the videos they have. You'll need windows media player. Some of them are great. Takea close look at what she does in the T-shirt folding lesson. Pretty cool!
Oh, these videos are all workplace safe.
Oh, these videos are all workplace safe.
Martha Gets a dose of reailty.... TV
NBC has hireed Martha Stewart to do her own 'The Apprentice' show. I wonder what kind of apprecntice you'll need to be to get on that show? An interior decorator that grows flax in her back yard to create the special wallpaper? Anyway, it might be worth a watch if you like reality TV.
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Vive la Difference!!!
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh,rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."
He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
The rest of the story gets rather ugly, so I'll stop right here.
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, "You see, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own............. so does she.
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.......... "HEBREWS"
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh,rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."
He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
The rest of the story gets rather ugly, so I'll stop right here.
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, "You see, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own............. so does she.
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.......... "HEBREWS"
VW threatens legal action over fake ad seen on Web
Source: Automotive News
Volkswagen AG is threatening legal action against the makers of a hoax Internet commercial that portrays a suicide bomber driving one of its Polo cars.
In the spot, a man who wears the same style of checked scarf made famous by the late Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat jumps into a Polo. He drives around a city before blowing himself up inside the car. After the explosion, the terrorist is killed, but the car remains intact.
The short commercial plays on the long-running "small but tough" ad campaign for the Polo produced by the London office of the advertising agency DDB Worldwide. The fake commercial flew around the world via the Internet.
The automaker said in a statement: "Neither Volkswagen nor any agency acting on behalf of Volkswagen was involved in any way with the creation, production or distribution of this material. Volkswagen is reviewing legal steps against the initiators of this material."
The makers of the commercial are a duo known as Lee and Dan. They have previously made legitimate Internet and print ads for various companies, including Ford Motor Co.
Lee and Dan issued an apology for any offense they caused.
They did not return phone calls for comment.
The fake ad can be seen if you click here.
Volkswagen AG is threatening legal action against the makers of a hoax Internet commercial that portrays a suicide bomber driving one of its Polo cars.
In the spot, a man who wears the same style of checked scarf made famous by the late Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat jumps into a Polo. He drives around a city before blowing himself up inside the car. After the explosion, the terrorist is killed, but the car remains intact.
The short commercial plays on the long-running "small but tough" ad campaign for the Polo produced by the London office of the advertising agency DDB Worldwide. The fake commercial flew around the world via the Internet.
The automaker said in a statement: "Neither Volkswagen nor any agency acting on behalf of Volkswagen was involved in any way with the creation, production or distribution of this material. Volkswagen is reviewing legal steps against the initiators of this material."
The makers of the commercial are a duo known as Lee and Dan. They have previously made legitimate Internet and print ads for various companies, including Ford Motor Co.
Lee and Dan issued an apology for any offense they caused.
They did not return phone calls for comment.
The fake ad can be seen if you click here.
