Saturday, November 26, 2005
anal glaucoma
She is staying home because she is not feeling well.
"What's the matter?" he asks
"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.
"What the hell is anal glaucoma?"
"I can't see my ass coming into work today"
Friday, November 25, 2005
beer goggles
'Beer goggles' effect explained
Scientists believe they have worked out a formula to calculate how "beer goggles" affect a drinker's vision.
The drink-fuelled phenomenon is said to transform supposedly "ugly" people into beauties - until the morning after.
Researchers at
Additional factors include the level of light in the pub or club, the drinker's own eyesight and the room's smokiness.
The distance between two people is also a factor.
| | Beer goggles formula ratings Less than one: No effect 1-50: Person you would normally find unattractive appears less "visually offensive" 51-100: Non-appealing person becomes suddenly attractive More than 100: Someone not considered attractive looks like a super model |
They all add up to make the aesthetically-challenged more attractive, according to the formula.
The formula can work out a final score, ranging from less than one - where there is no beer goggle effect - to more than 100.
Nathan Efron, Professor of Clinical Optometry at the University of Manchester, said: "For example, someone with normal vision, who has consumed five pints of beer and views a person 1.5 metres away in a fairly smoky and poorly lit room, will score 55, which means they would suffer from a moderate beer goggle effect."
The research was commissioned by eyecare firm Bausch & Lomb PureVision.
A poll showed that 68% of people had regretted giving their phone number to someone to whom they later realised they were not attracted.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/1/hi/england/manchester/4468884.stm
Published: 2005/11/25 08:48:19 GMT
© BBC MMV
Thursday, November 24, 2005
things that sound dirty at thanksgiving, but aren't...
"I'm in the mood for a little dark meat."
"Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist."
"Talk about a huge breast!"
"That's the biggest one I've ever seen!"
"If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!"
"Are you ready for seconds yet?"
"It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?"
"Just wait your turn, you'll get some!"
"Don't play with your meat."
"Just spread the legs open & stuff it in."
"Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?"
"I didn't expect everyone to come at once!"
"You still have a little bit on your chin."
"Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it."
"How long will it take after you stick it in?"
"You'll know it's ready when it pops up."
"Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!"
"How many are coming?"
"It's Cool Whip time!"
"How long do I beat it before it's ready"
Monday, November 21, 2005
Hockey Joke .. only in Canada
God looks at them and says: "Before granting any of you a place at my side, I must first ask you what you believe in."
Addressing Lemieux first He asks, "What do you believe?"
Mario looks into God's eyes and states passionately, "I believe hockey to be the food of life. Nothing else brings such unbridled joy to so many people, from Moscow to the bright lights of New York. I have devoted my life to bringing such joy to people who watch us play."
God looks up and offers Mario the seat to his left.
He then turns to Yzerman, "And you Stevie Y. What do you believe?" Yzerman stands proud and firm, " I believe courage,honour and passion are the fundamentals to life and I've spent my whole playing career providing a living embodiment of these traits."
God, moved by the passion of the speech offers Yzerman the seat to his right.
He finally turns to the Great One, " And you Wayne. What do you believe?"
Wayne says shyly, "Umm... I believe you are in my seat."
Sunday, November 06, 2005
honest boss
